Fuck 2

Day for day a little bit of my weight is going down. I am happy.
After surgery i have made the experience of "haters gonna hate". It's incredible how many people think they know how i have to live and what my lifestyle should look like. And that's what i am now going to tell, people who are thinking more of the lifestyle others than the own one.

Everybody is doing that, me too. Everyone thinks they know how others have to live. I try to don't give a fuck what other people want to do. But i will not shut up when someone hurts me or treat me or others bad. It is okay to have his own lifestyle and to do what they like to do, but you shouldn't do harm to others. Why do we try to change others? And not ourself? How much energy could we spend in our own time to do something good with ourself then put energy in people who will not help you when you are in some troubles. I had met so many people in my life that i wish i never wasted my time in them. So stop to be ignorant and take time for your beloved ones, who will always offer you a hug when you need it!

In the last time some people told me what i have to eat (and i don't mean the doctors). That hurts.. and it hurts even more when you are eating ( as example ) a small piece of white bread and your heart starts to beat so fucking fast that you just have to lay down because you feel so bad. So please, let me then eat exactly that what i can eat and my body accept it, just leave me that small thing. Last time when i was at the doctor i lost 12kg since the surgery, he was proud of me... and i was happy.

I hope people who think that with this surgery it is easy to loose weight they can be a bit more openminded and look at that surgery in a different way. Your complete day is changing and your physical/psychical mood can go from the top to down - sometimes when i feel something is not good with my body, it scares the shit out of me

Fuck.

This post will be "the truth", the truth about my body, uncovered.

"You have to love yourself before others can love you too"... But how can you love yourself when you don't want to look like this? The fact why i am fat is: I am addicted to food, not to fast food. I just like to eat good cooked food. Who doesn't?  And everybody knows that some people can eat more food without getting fat. Well, i am not one of them. I never was one of them. When i was a teenager i was riding a lot and when we met each other with friends we were always on tour with our bikes... I wasn't a couch potato.

In autumn 2014 i get so sick of looking myself in the mirror so i decided to get the gastric bypass surgery. January 2015 on the 8 of January i got my surgery. I already lost some weight.

But you know what? I tried to write in some Threads of gastric bypass themes.. The people are normally a lot heavier than me, so they don't understood me or pushed my decision. In someway i can understand normal weight people when they don't understand why i wanted this surgery, because they think it is not sooo hard to loose weight and do some sport. The truth is also: it is hard. But what when even the overweighted people don't understand me? Who am i gonna talking to? The doctor? Pretty sure the doctor never had the same problem like me.

Well anyway.. i started this photo project how my body will change and also about my experience. I hope you don't forget that it is really hard for me to make this photos public, so please look at them with some respect.

And this two last pictures are after the surgery. Stitches and some "paintings" of daily injections.

My friend and me part 2

it goes on and on and on

My friend and me

i started a new project..

of my best friend and me. who will never lie. never.

some photos of the first session of this project.

21 years

Now i'm 21 years old and i realize that i've got the whole world in front of me. 

I leave Finland in about 2 months, not sure if i'm doing the right decision. I'm affraid what will be the next step when i move back to Switzerland. I can be lucky, because my room mates will be awesome people. 

But yeah, the situation right now is scary and i feel lost.